Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Television's leading comedians spent the airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday jingle directed at the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys everything he handles."

The subject was the new plan that enables foreign nationals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. A government page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message here to rich immigrants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.